If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
