He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
