The beer is more important than you right now.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
