now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
