I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
