I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
