Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i've created a new STD.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
