My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
