At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Randomize