BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
