alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
