i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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