I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
