hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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