you guys were way drunker than both of me
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
