it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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