Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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