You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize