guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
