I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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