Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
