Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
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