Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
this boner is exhausting
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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