I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
