K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
