Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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