i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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