i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
