So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
