Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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