Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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