Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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