The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
