Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
