conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
