Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I had to cum in my sink.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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