I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize