goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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