...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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