Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
