We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
