break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize