in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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