Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
