i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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