Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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