I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
