I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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