it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
