in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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