I want to walk on stilts...naked
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
