yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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