Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
