You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
