wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
