AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
