Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
