You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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