a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
