I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
