around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
