I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
