After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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