Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
