you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
