loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
